Deeper into the Hotwife Rabbit hole

Things are always changing, is our relationship changing or is my attitude and comfort level changing, a few months ago when we first started this i struggled, it was a challenge to keep my jealousy in check, i was trying to control a lot of what happened, who she met when she met what was allowed when they met, i had fears, )Fear Vs. Jealousy), But i started to look deep within myself something about this turned me on, something about this felt right (Looking Within Part 1), (Looking Within Part 2), current tally, she has met and fucked 5 different men for a total of 8 times. Right around gentlemen number 4 or 5, i started to realize i need to be prepared, i need to be a realist. 

All of the following are possible scenarios that played out in my head some worst case, some just the natural progression of things, when i brought these thoughts and possibilities up she reasurred me that she would never do anything to jeapordize us, she would follow whatever rules we set (she is extremely greatful for this opportunity, there arent many husbands that would willingly allow this type of adventure and she knows that)  

She's alone lot (correction we are both alone separately a lot) she is an amazing outgoing lively woman, she's the type that can make a best friend in the ladies room, she needs to be out but hates going  out alone. When she started chatting with her potential dates some men talk about taking her out to dinner, or away for the weekend. I started to notice im going to have to be ok with her going out on actual dates, which is actually good she needs to be out she deserves to be out, but what about potential overnight stays? a couple of the men she was chatting with invited her to weekend getaways and while she declined (she hadnt even met them yet), but as time goes on after she has seen him a few times the opportunity for a weekend getaway will come up, originally i had said no repeats, and no overnights. My insecurities had me believing she'd meet someone better, and leave me and id have no one to blame but myself. but as we progressed deeper into this lifestyle, i started to realize im away too much whats to stop her from doing these things without my permission? she's honest and faithful i dont really think she'd ever do that but... what happens when shes finally had enough, enough being alone, enough nights with no intimacy or sex, enough of her basic needs not being met because i cant be there. We have a very special and very strong relationship, it took a lot for me to recognize how true this was. when i mentioned the possibility of overnights and that id be ok, she tried to assure that wouldnt be necessary, they will most likely be drinking, or parting ways late, some of these rendevous are an hour plus drive from home, id rather her spend the night with him than either of them risking an accident or DWI, and this made perfect sense, this option also began morphing she likes to take weekend trips to do some sightseeing or shoppiong and as she started thinking more about the possibilities of a having a man with her all night, she started thinking how much safer she'd feel in a strange town in a strange hotel with a man there. 

now she has her lovers/companions, i also originally had a hang about intimacy between her and her dates at first i told her no kissing, i felt it far to intimate that should be something between two people deeply in love, this rule got tossed very early, we had a very deep conversation about our different views on kissing, it started to become apparent that by forbidding kissing i was stunting her experience, also my beliefs where based on some bull i heard or read when i was a kid. i lifted this rule right before she met her first guy, and i surprised her by asking for video of them kissing when they met a second time. seeing her with another man kissing him, fucking him, his hands all over her is incredibly arousing (i dont really understand it but thats for another post entirely)

once i had ok'd overnights and weekend getaways, i knew the possibility for cuddling was there, i could forbid it but when your fast asleep with another body next you its just instinct to cuddle up. as i explored all these possibilities i noticed that by imposing so many rules and expecting only so much to happen, i was setting myself up for failure, i cant send her off with another man for sex with a list of do's and don'ts, Imagine being given a new sports car but being told you cant go faster than 25mph. How is she supposed to enjoy herself if shes having to make sure she doesnt break a rule, in order to succeed, in order for me to allow her to get the most enjoyment out of this (that's what this is about, HER pleasure) i need to keep my feelings in check, i need to trust her fully, i need to understand that its human nature to Cuddle, Hug, Kiss, and Caress, and honestly whats the point of sex without any of these, without these its just assisted masturbation. 

SO to answer the question i started with, i think our relationship is changing because my attitude has changed, this change has opened up a whole new realm in our Hotwifery, we are no longer searching for NSA, One Night Stands, or flings, we are searching for boyfriends, men that can and will provide companionship, satisfaction and protection, men that understand they are not the only one in her life, men that wont get too clingy or needy. We Are becoming a Poly couple, I am married to a very Polyamorous woman, and any man who has the pleasure of experiencing her is one lucky Motherfucker!

Tips for picking up a HotWife!

So you saw an ad on Craigslist or Ashley Madison, and you want to meet her. 

Although I personally have never replied to either of these, iv read hundreds of replies from men wanting to meet up with my HotWife. These tips won't apply to all woman but I feel like this is a good general idea of how to succeed with an NSA hookup/one night stand/FWB 

1. Do not send a Cock picture (unless she asks for it.) In our case a cock pic gets you an immediate rejection, every other reply that comes back is a cock iv seen more cock in the last two weeks then I'd like to admit to. 

Do however send a face pic, if your uncomfortable sending a face pic right out of the gate send a full body (clothed) with your face obscured, then once your more comfortable send her your mug, most woman need to feel some level of attraction and this is definately true with my wife. 

2. Drop the machismo, she doesn't want to hear about how you'll "pound her real good", or how you'll "make her cum over and over" "I'll do you 10 - 20 times in a night" .... Really??.. Really? Do you really think that's gonna work, Has it worked ?

I suggest you try charming her, and it doesn't have to be some sappy bullshit, this is after all a one night stand/hookup you don't need to convince her your husband material. You do have to convince her your nice, respectful and safe. Her most successful hook-ups have started out with respectful naughty talk, offer up a massage, one guy offered to take her to the hot springs for an overnight get away and although I thought it a very smooth gesture, it was a bit much for a first meeting. 

3. If you get rejected, bow out gracefully, don't beg for a chance it just makes it worse. She very respectfully told one guy "I'm sorry but your a bit older than I'm looking for" (she has an age range in her ads) his reply was "but I make up for it in enthusiasm" the next one sealed his fate "I'll bet you that if I can't do you between 8-10 during the night I'll give you 500.00" 

She replied with something along the lines of "honestly I'm not interested, that's not impressive at all  and why would any woman want to hear that" 

Of course he was done "ok fatso see how many young guys fuck you" and then something about how her pic was gross, she was beautiful and sexy enough for you to be able to do her 8-10 times in one night only moments ago. If she has an age range or other criteria that you don't meet respect that, you can still try but don't be a dick when she says no thanks.

4. Make an effort with your first contact, I know my wife will give most well worded requests a look if there's a face pic and she's slightly attracted to you she will reply, but don't just send a hey sexy I like your pics, (unless your panty dropping handsome) then she'll melt at your feet. My favorites are the misguided "wow you have huge tits, can I see more pics" (are we trolling for fap material? Or are we trying to hook up) cause she's legit offering the real thing play your cards right and you might get to touch her huge tits. 

5. When your chatting before actually meeting don't be dull! Hold a conversation, reply promptly when she texts you, remember she doesn't need you, there are dozens of emails pouring in every hour, she's looking for someone to fill a void or provide a thrill it doesn't have to be you it can be the next guy very easily, I'm sure it's no secret as soon as a woman posts an ad like what my wife posts, theres no shortage of men to choose from. Which in turn means she can be choosy she can be very choosy, for one she's married, she's got a man, she doesn't do this because I'm lacking as her husband, she does this for the thrill, she does this to fill the void when I'm not home. 

6. A continuation from the last tip, remember she has a husband, you are not there to replace him, your not there to rescue her from some terrible marriage, this should not be a competition between you and her husband. One real quick way to end a "date" on a bad note would be to bad mouth her hubby.  You should be greatful that her husband is letting you have her for a few hours. What many don't realize is that couples that live this type of lifestyle are typically much closer than you'd expect. Our communication is a top priority in our marriage, I read almost every message, every email, she tells me about every conversation, and every experience, I share her with you and she shares the experience with me, and then we have the most amazing sex while we reconnect with each other. It takes a very secure individual to be married to a HotWife, she gets the best of both workds she has a man who loves her unconditionally, provides for her and is a true partner in life he is there through the good the bad and the ugly, all while she can go out and have sex with as many men as she wants, as often as she wants, unless your prepared to fill those shoes, just enjoy her company and do what you came to do. 

The key words here to successfully land a date with a HotWife are to be respectful, kind, somewhat charming and have some tact. NSA relationships don't get much easier than this, 

Any thoughts or additional tips I could add to this list? Put them in the comments below. 

Back in the Game

Last week I mentioned how I'm suddenly missing her adventures. so i brought it up to her she mentioned how she enjoyed having that release when she couldnt have me, so we agreed to dive back into it. the first go around we had a system she would put out ads on Cragslist and Ashley Madison, and together we'd go through the respones and decide which ones to chat with further. part of the deal was they had to talk to me and get approved by me before she had final approval. it was a fairly long drawn out process and although we had approved about 5 to 8 guys only one guy ever hooked up with her. they met 3 or 4 times and sent me pics and video, then one weekend while i was in town all 3 of us got together to tag team her. (wrote about that earlier). she did the usual Craigs list ad and Ashley Madison post and began weeding through the asshats that think woman like hearing about how they can "pound her real good" or "I got a 9inch Dick" (seriously guys even if your just trying to pick her up for a one night stand have some tact and taste it goes far). i stayed out of it, i decided i was curious as to where she goes with this. i lifted a few of my previous limits. the hard limit list is actually much smaller now, i think because we'v done this 5 or 6 times with 2 different guys, and our great summer together im in a very good place our relationship is rock solid and i love seeing her satisfied. 

the ads went up sat or sun i believe she started chatting a few guys up monday, i had an idea to add a little excitement and i issued her a challenge, i challenged her to find a cock to suck this weekend if she chose to accept, i started toying with the idea of upping the ante with each completed challenge, at first she seemed a bit surprised esp by the short notice. then tuesday morning early i get a message that says "trust my Judgement?" with some screen caps of a convo with some guy from AM. i asked if that meant she was accepting my challenge, her reply "no just looking to find someone for future meetings" i was slightly disapointed but i dont want to push her either this is her boat shes driving im just watching to see where it goes. i did tell her i wasnt kidding about the challenge if she was comfortable its ok with me if she wants to accept it. An hour or so later she called to tell me how the meeting went, she met him in a parking lot and got into his truck, he immediatley leaned over to kiss her and play with 

and started undoing her pants to finger her so she replied in kind and started suckinng his cock, Challenge Completed!! then she tells me he was begging me to let him fuck me so i fucked him in the back seat of his truck!!! I think i stutttered and said what!! this is so hot and i cant believe the affect its having on me. 

She's becoming such a horny slut and I'm loving it. She currently has 3 guys lined up one that she's met and one that she plans on meeting Thursday and one maybe this weekend. I have a feeling there will be plenty of material for upcoming blogposts

Been awhile!

Sorry for the apsence, we were able to spend the last month+ together. And you would assume that would have provided plenty of material for updates but it was a very vanilla month. Just us as a family doing family things, there was really no oppurtunity to seek out other partners, nor did there seem to be a desire too. We just enjoyed each other. We were a couple to the truest sense of the word. 

Looking back I don't feel we missed any oppurtunity, like we should have done this or that, I loved just being together. But now... Now that she's gone, now that's she's 3000 miles away I miss everything, I miss having her close, I miss waking up next to her, I miss going out and just being us, but I'm also now missing her flirty playfulness, I miss the rush of jealousy, I miss seeing her flirt and have fun. Am I really saying this? Do I really miss it? What's has she turned me into, I really am the Hubby of a HotWife! While she was here I had no desire to share her, she was mine and I just kept her all for myself, why now that she's home I am excited for her to date again, there was a term she found that described this let me see if I can find it... "Compersion" (A feeling of joy when a loved one invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship.) It's one of those things that is really mind blowing to me, iv said it before but this isn't me I'm usually very jealous so the fact that I'm 1) ok with this and 2) actually missing it and wanting her to find another partner to play with. Hubby of a HotWife to the core! 

Our first 3 way

She has entertained a number of fantasies for me, and up until recently she has been very tight lipped about any of hers. Finally got her to open up and spill it, one is to have two guys at the same time, so after a failed attempt or two of getting the second man into the equation it finally happened last night. It was with "John" the same guy from her first date, that have since met one other time. I had actually met him once before, over a couple beers although that first meeting was a bit awkward it wasnt bad just awkward, i suppose meeting new people is often sometimes awkward, add to this equation that he had already slept with her twice and that can make for a mildly awkward situation. This meeting went much smoother, i had been in touch with him through text about a month ago, letting him know I really wanted to let her have this fantasy and also assuring him i was 100% ok with it. Both John and My wife had done something like this in the past, this was a total first for me but whats funny is they were both far more nervous than i was. i think my wife was mostly concerned for me, she was afraid i wouldnt enjoy it, or was afraid it would end up being too much, iv mentioned a few times in previous posts that im usually the jealous type. Honestly though as iv learned since embarking on this adventure with my wife, 1- communication is key, and 2- when im on board and i know whats about to happen i can keep everything in check. This night was about her and her fantasy, i asked her not to worry about me and to please not get too wrapped up in her head about her concerns for me, i needed her to enjoy this, i needed her to be able to let go and enjoy herself. 

We met john in the bar of the hotel, he had already ordered a beer and a burger,  he stood to greet us she grabbed him for a kiss and he awkwardly kissed back like a brother kissing his sister im sure because i was there (i know they have kissed, i know they have had sex, but for him the act of kissing her in front of me was strange i guess,  I dont know if it was because i had mentally prepared for this but i was shockingly ok with it, i also took his hesitance with the kiss as a sign of respect he knows this is all a first for me and hes being careful not to overstep any bounds.) she sat next to him and i  beside her She order a shot of Patron and a Malibu and coke, I ordered a Jack Daniels double on the rocks, while we sat and talked, she reached up and held his hand, her other hand on my thigh rubbing and squeezing, she was enjoying having both of her lovers on either side of her. after a couple more drinks he headed out for a smoke, She went out to talk to him she could tell he was nervous and wanted to assure him everything was cool. i sat at the bar finishing my drink, i could see them outside the main lobby doors talking, her arms around his waist he holding her close they talked and laughed (this scene would normally cause jealousy) as i watched them together all i could do was smile. this arrangement has forced us to communicate far more honestly than we ever had, I am far more secure in our relationship than i ever had been before. as they came back into the lobby i met them just outside the entrance to the bar, and we headed for the elevator. 

How do you start somethig like this? im the new guy in this situation they both have past experiences, she headed off to the bathroom to "freshen Up", john and i talked a bit waiting (in hindsight it probably would have been a good idea to talk about what was about to happen, maybe get a gameplan together, maybe reasuure him im good with this). She comes out of the bathroom Sans pants, Ice Broken!! she comes over to me we embrace and kiss, deep pasionate kisses my hands begin wandering all over her magnificant body, John comes up behind her kissing the back of her neck hands running down her back along her hips,  he slips down to his knees kissing her beautiful round ass, as we continue to make out, from this point on i can only tell you what i was doing and what i was able to catch when i looked up from my duties, yes duties there was an amazing beautiful woman who needed as much attention from each one of her lovers as possible, this entire night was about her, her pleasure, her fantasy, her desires. John and I started with her breasts each one of us sucking, kissing and nibbling. my hand ventured down between her legs, already incredibly wet, i can only imagine what the anticipation of this moment must have been like for her. Her loving devoted Husband and her knew found Boytoy both naked, both servicing her. i kissed a gentle trail across her belly finding my way to her sweet pussy, one of my favorite ways to pleasure her licking and nibbling gently teasing her clit, while john worships her amazing breasts. she cums fairly soon i slip a couple fingers ito her reaching for her g-spot, she takes john into her mouth, playing with his balls as i lick her clit and rub her g-spot, she cums again squirting this time. taking things to extremes i slowly work the rest of my hand into her, she enjoys being filled and although it can cause her to be sore for a day or two it always makes for some intense orgasms, and tonight is the night i want her to experience the most intense orgasms shes ever had. Johns Cock in her Mouth and my fist in her pussy my free hand rubbing her clit, johns hands squeezing and playing with her big tits, she starts riding my fist, Moaning louder and louder she cums again, i cant resist any longer and just as this orgasm subsides i enter her, Making love to my wife while she kisses another man is definitely something i never thought id experience, and to be honest i certainly dont hate it the look on her face the way her eyes roll back in her head i could see she was enjoying this to max, I want to let her have this again. we cum together this time! at somepoint  John had backed off and was standing nearby stroking his cock. i crawled back up the bed and made out with my wife, i think the first experience was a success, theres a few things that good have gone better, but for the most part she thouroughly enjoyed herself and i will make a point of letting her have multiple lovers again! 

Fear vs Jealousy

What is it about sharing her, why does it excite me, i read couple other blogs for example A Hotwife Guide , the basic idea of the blog is a how to guide for single guys to pick up a hotwife, i love the dynamic of this couple, they will go out to a bar or club and she will flirt or dance or whatever and he will watch from a distance usually, sometimes she picks up a guy for a 3 way sometimes she plays alone, but something about this seems fun and exciting. i do like to watch my wife come out of her shell, and thats what makes this strange im normally pretty jealous, but since exploring this lifestyle im discovering its less about jealousy and more about fear,  if i could get over the fear and thats what it is its not really jealousy, although jealousy is one of the emotions that pops up from time to time i can usually work through the jealousy i can talk myself down from there. But the fear, the fear that she'll find someone better, the fear that she'll find she prefers his company over mine. i think i know in my heart that this is stupid, i know our love goes deeper than any fuckbuddy. something i often do is turn the tables on myself, what if she was having these fears, what if i needed to comfort her and convince her she owned my heart, or what if she was filled with enough doubt to fear losing me. and i end up echoing her almost verbatim, i know whats in my heart, i know how tightly i will hold on to her, i know there is almost nothing she could do to make me love her less than i do now, iv never said this out loud but have thought it many times, she could flat out cheat on me, could have fucked half a dozen guys behind my back and i know id be right there giving her my entire heart and soul, i feel like most would read this and call me foolish, but its unconditional love i cant explain it and its a very vulnerable  and sometimes dangerous place to be especially giving yourself to the wrong person in this way. or maybe i am foolish and if thats the case I'm a damn fool but i love my hotwife.

what about you? the people reading this, are you involved in an open marriage, what are your fears, is it unconditional love or is it foolishness? have you ever loved one person so much that they could probably do no wrong and would you let them know?

Our First Meeting!

She flew cross country to see me, our first meeting! I was able to rearrange my work schedule so I could be sure to get to the airport to pick her up. A little background first, I'm an FA (fat admirer) I like Big women, and on some level always have, that's actually how we met. I had finally started to admit to myself that I prefer fat women, I was able to explore and learn through the internet, while surfing around and exploring all the wonderful women of size online I met her, she was much smaller than she is now, in fact she was much smaller then than when we actually met. Anyway she was there as I started to accept my preference (it sounds so horrible to say I had to accept it, but society has such a negative view on weight and size, as a young man growing up, society will have you believe that being attracted to a 300+ pound body is weird and wrong, I can only imagine how terrible it must feel to be the 300+ pound person that society looks down on) anyway I started to embrace this, I stopped caring if I was weird and I started to admire and appreciate all the wonderful shapes and sizes of women, I honestly believe that this negativity toward weight is more of a social construct. But why, the majority of people are overweight, why not make that be the ideal? Probably because the small thin "hot" women are rare so let's make that what everyone strives to be. My wife is 300-330 (she fluctuates;-)), pounds of the sexiest most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on, I could go into detail but seeing as I'm probably the only FA here I'll spare you the HOT details.

Shes on her way here to see me! the woman i have spent many nights fantasizing over, the woman who i had dreamed of, but had convinced myself i would never have. like i have said in earlier posts she was my dream girl, my Pam Anderson, My Cheryl Tiegs, I was so nervous my heart was racing, We had gotten to know each other quite well, we talked almost everyday, and now we'r about to meet!

I saw her coming down the escalator before she saw me in fact she looked over me passed me and around me, and i was wearing a pretty noticeable jacket how she was able to miss me i have no idea lol, she was more beautiful than any picture i had ever seen more amazing than any image on my computer screen, it was that awkward/not awkward moment we were meeting for the first time but knew each other so well already, we hugged and it was electric, she was so soft in my arms, her hair smelled amazing. and she was so much more than i ever expected! i told her to wait and i would bring my truck around. i found out later she was hoping and praying i was really coming back, she expected me to jump in my truck and speed away. Her ex had done a serious number on her self esteem sadly and iv spent the last 8 years trying to help her believe she is miles above where she thins she is. i pull up to the curb jump out, grab her bag and open her door, back in the truck i cant take my eyes off of her, I'm awestruck. this is a little hard to explain especially to a non FA but ill try. She had presence, she was substantial, she took up space in the most amazing way. this is not some kind politically correct way to say, OMG SHESSOFAT!, this moment, this observance isn't just about how big she is, it isn't about her weight, or her body, its about the woman i have longed to touch, being there next to me larger than life both figuratively and literally. I have never been able to explain this feeling, this emotion accurately even to her i really think its something only an FA can really understand. or maybe anyone with some type of obsessive attraction might be able to make sense of it. She was There in my Truck! Sitting right next to me! My hand was on her thigh!! I could smell her, Touch her, Hear her, and soon i would taste her!

We stopped to get coffee, and then headed East to the Coast, she wanted to see the Atlantic Ocean. we walked out onto the beach hand in hand she took in the view then turned to me i pulled her close and we kissed! She stopped and said "you can Touch it, i know you want to" (she was referring to her belly) my hand snaked up under her shirt and down into her pants feeling the Round warm softness of her sexy tummy (there are so many sexy features to a women's body and being an admirer of the larger women it doesn't get any better than a sexy tummy) we stood there making out on the beach in the cold march wind, when we had set up this meeting we both agreed we would behave, neither of us were officially divorced yet and we didn't want to rush into something and complicate an already complicated relationship. well... That went straight out the window standing there on the sand locked in an embrace kissing passionately, my hand exploring her soft curves, we both agreed at that exact moment we needed a hotel room. after a little while longer on the beach we jumped back in the truck in search of a hotel. as we drove i noticed her looking out the window,  she had never really seen snow, at least not like we get here and it had been a particularly white winter, she also commented how none of the houses had fences separating the yards and how far apart they were from each other.

Finally at a hotel and in our room i stepped into the bathroom after her to freshen up a bit, my mind racing, do i just starting pawing at her, should i just rip her clothes off, should i rip mine off, maybe she wants to rip mine off, do i play it cool and just kiss her a bit more? when i stepped out of the bathroom there she was completely naked sitting on the bed, and that answered that question, ripping my own clothes off i climbed up onto the bed and laid with her, kissing, touching, licking, not one inch of flesh was left unexplored. In my opinion our first meeting was a mindblowing success! the rest of this week consisted of me finding excuses to get back up to see her at the friends house she was staying at, i cleared my work schedule a few times, i went awol once or twice, we had our first "Date" at Olive Garden. Saying good bye and sending her home was the worst, we didn't know where wed end up from here but i knew for a fact she owned my heart the moment she stepped off that escalator at the airport. I just recently traveled through that airport again and it was an incredible walk down memory lane although they have  since renovated the bench where we took our first pic together is still there!!

Looking within Part 2

 i have always been attracted to and a little bit jealous of how carefree she is. when we go out she always comes out of the ladies room with a new friend. i am the wall flower, i hide in the shadows, and at one low point in out relationship she admitted to me that she was starting to lose herself in the shadows with me. i had never even realized in her attempt to "protect me" from her loud, outgoing larger than life, sometimes cringe inducing (to me and my wall flower ways) self, she started hiding in the shadows with me. when this came to light i screamed NO! no your not supposed to be hiding with me, your supposed to be outgoing, your supposed to loud, your supposed to induce cringes!! those cringes those moments when i look like i may die of embarrassment are the thrill you bring to me, its me venturing ever so slightly away from my comfort zone. it killed me to realize i had stifled her at all.

when i met her... when i fell in love with her, i had no control over her, she was a wild spirit, she was adventurous and she scared the hell out of me with some of her ideas, and i never wanted to control her, i never wanted to change her! i was a horny undersexed perv, who may have met his match, she was gorgeous, outgoing adventurous amazing woman! and i fell for her hard! she kept me on my toes, she makes me feel things i never knew i could feel. My hang ups though, my jealousy and my fears are what brought her into my shadows, she did it to try to protect me, she thought she was too much for me, she's not too much! She exactly what I need, I live vicariously through her, she drags me out of the shadows and she does it In Just such a way that I want to show her I can do it! She's not forcing me into situations, iv never begged and pleaded with her to stop, iv never felt embarrassed when I'm with her. I'm not the guy that would ride a mechanical bull in a bar, but I did... And she didn't even suggest it, I decided to prove to her and myself I could be that guy. And I was able to throw myself out of the shadows because of her love and support. Sure I got tossed off that bad boy ass over teakettle, but I did it. To some that may not seem like a very big deal but for me it was. I have other things I'm working up to, and I know with her ill get there!


Very often I end up being my own worst enemy! I get up in my head about stuff and it can be very dangerous, it effects my mood, it almost launches me into a depression, or maybe it's the other way around. I know when I get like this it isn't conducive to a healthy relationship, I know it does no good, I know it only helps creat and feed drama and a crazy cycle. I'm slowly learning that no matter what I do good or bad everything could end tomorrow, so why let myself get like that? Why not enjoy what I have while I have it, and in turn maybe I'll have it for longer! Forever!! I know when I get like that I put unnecessary stress on my wife. Iv been up and down about this lifestyle/arrangement over the last week, but why? Currently there's nothing I bring to the table that she can't love without that she couldn't get elsewhere... Except... My love! My Unconditional love, she doesn't depend on me financially, and although the sex is great, I know for a fact there are lovers better than me out there, she's attracted to me but she's attracted to a lot of men, my looks are not extraordinary, I'm average at best with a little swagger for added bonus. But I love her!! I can't say no one will ever love her like I do, but I truly believe I live her unconditionally, I will and have fought for her and I will continue to fight for her! She is my everything. And in this new lifestyle in my new role as a hubby to a HotWife, I need to remember I LOVE HER! And I want her to have her cake and eat it too, isn't that what this is really about? She has my undying devotion, and a few boytoys to play with when I'm away. Why shouldn't she be able to have it all, she's my queen and I want her to have the world! I need to stop doubting myself, I need to get back my confidence. I know I want to give her everything she desires, in order to do that I need to be very secure in myself! I know this, I just need to put it into action.

Thanks for reading I didn't intend this to go as deep as it did, but the point of this post was mostly self discovery.

Looking Within Part 1

Being the hubby of a HotWife, takes a lot of self discipline, you need to be very very secure in your marriage, you need to understand without a doubt that she Loves you, but has a sexual desire for variety, she wants and needs to experience more, (doesn't everyone have a little interest in variety, wouldn't anybody given the opportunity to experience a new lover without the fear of ruining their current relationship jump at the chance. Doesn't everyone look at others they find attractive and wonder what it would be like?

sadly every relationship hits that point where the newness is gone, she and i talked early on about doing everything in our power to keep that feeling, that spark. it's impossible, two people cant be with each other and still get the same butterflies when they first kiss, or when they first touch. She is my dream girl the love of my life! but i know when we kiss its not the same fireworks it was 8 years ago for either of us, I do remember our first meeting vividly and i will be writing a post about that in the near future. one thing couples can do to keep that spark alive is to explore new things, this hotwife and s/D lifestyle exploration, is just that something new something exciting.

I like to think I have a pretty good understanding of wants and desires, I also know I want to please her i need to please her, iv spent years trying to get her fantasies out of her, and slowly shes starting to open up, I want her happy and satisfied, but I want her love, i need her love, and I want her to be mine. can i feel like shes all mine while i share her like this? while letting her have her fantasies? I think i can but i need to be a part of it i need to be involved with choosing the potential dates, i need to know whats going on and what the plan is, this is something we can share this is a way to keep communication wide open, if you can honestly talk about this kind of thing, then you should be able to talk about anything.

When we first discussed this arrangement she offered me the same freedom, I saw very early on she was having an issue personally with the idea of me actually being with someone else, so I declined the offer, I will not sleep with anyone else. Do I want to? i admit the idea intrigues me, If she can be 100% ok with it then yes I would like to experience something like what she has experienced. But I don't have to. I'm currently very content being hers and hers alone, it's not worth it to me to ruin our marriage over this and she feels the same, if I for any reason was uncomfortable with our new arrangement it would end.

I'v been reading some other blogs www.thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com although im not sure id ever be comfortable with her being in a polyamorous relationship, i would like for things to mature to a level where i no longer need to know every detail, id like to be able to allow her ultimate freedom, the man i am right now would not be able to handle that but im growing and learning as we go, its a tricky walk along a very thin line probably more so for her than me, the way the agreement stands, I'm the one that has the most potential for getting hurt, and shes well aware of that. i do wish she would try to worry a little less about me id hate for her fears to ruin her new adventures. i am well aware of whats happening, i am well aware that theres a very thin line she walks, and I'm constantly keeping myself in check, yes its a challenge i ask my self if I'm sure I'm ok with this constantly, i get that uneasy feeling every now and then, and i'm ultimately afraid of losing her. but iv always been afraid of that. I'v always lacked self confidence, and thats my hangup,

 this lifestyle we are entering isn't about me or my hangups, its about her, and her desires, her satisfaction, her free spirit.
To Be Continued....

First Date Final thoughts

First date a success, I'm not going to give a blow by blow (bwahaha good one bro -hi fives self) account of their evening, you can read that Here, I'm going to go through my feelings about last night. So my wife met another man at a bar, they kissed, they chit chatted for a bit, then went back to his room where she blew him, them they talked some more, the she fucked him, I'm oddly cool about it. I only say oddly because of how outside my norm all of this really is.

Originally kissing was a no- no as part of our preliminary agreement when we started this, I felt it was a bit to intimate for this type of arrangement, I thought it was something that should be kept between us. But ma'am is a very passionate woman, and kissing is a big part of the sexual experience,   Iv been reading a lot of other blogs about hot wiferey and most of these wives do kiss thier dates, which got me on the path to being able to overturn this rule. Also I wanted her to be able to relax and fully enjoy the experience, if she had to keep herself in check and constantly try to remember not to kiss, that would end up being a huge distraction and a big stress point to the evening. As she and I talked about the night, as I read her account of the night and as I read the texts between her and John, I have these little moments where I start to get a little jealous, but since we have talked at length about this arrangement, and she has been very careful to remind me through out this experience, that I'm her number one and always will be, I'm able to stop myself and get a grip so to speak.

The night for me was very low key. They had shitty cell service and no wifi so only one picture came through. I spent the night just waiting to hear from her afterward, I wasn't as anxious as I expected to be, I was more excited to talk to her. It was around 4 am here when she called, she told me all about the night, while I strokes my cock, I asked some questions, the most important thing though was whether she had a good time and that this provided the release she was looking for, being away so much I can't be there as often as she needs me, this for me started out as a solution to that problem, I didn't expect it to become the hot adventure it's become. John was a perfect gentlemen, and has set the bar very high for the next few guys.

The original plan was to line up a few guys have her meet them do what she's gonna do and move on, no repeat visits, the stress and anxiety though that comes from that first meeting especially if the goal for the end of the evening is sex, makes being able to loosen up and be yourself a much bigger challenge, wev been talking and have decided we want to line up 4 or 5 guys that would eventually become steady FWB, the important part though Is that we keep a close eye on everyone involved am to be sure someone isn't getting romantically attached, with the right individuals involved this could be a great thing. She could have her own harem, no stable of cocks at the ready, she could set up 2 to 3 meetings a week have a variety of men to choose from and get her needs fulfilled.

As I reread this I realize it's not as tittilating as I intended, I think next time I need to try to write my entry as soon after I talk to her as possible, a lot of the emotion and excitement is gone at this point and trying to get deep into it proved much harder them I expected.

She may be meeting john for another romp this weekend so hopefully I'll have a better hubby account of that one.

Till next time,
Pet

First date Update

It's on, they are In the room nude and iv received my first pic, she was sucking on his balls! I admit it was hot to see, I will say the key to surviving this is communication, we have talked a lot about this over the course of the last few weeks, it has helped to prepare me for this moment, it has allowed me to find the excitement and to be able to enjoy this moment. I will update later tonight or tomorrow sometime after iv gotten the details from her.

I want to close by saying I love my wife more than words will ever say, this experience although surreal is exciting and has done wonders to bring us much closer.

The first Date

Tonight's the night of her first "date" I'm sitting at my favorite bar grabbing dinner, she's on her way to meet ... Let's call him John, the plan is to meet for a couple drinks and a bit of small talk, to see if there's any chemistry, in my opinion there has been so much anticipation from all three of us that something is definately happening, they may not go all the way only because both, Ma'am and john are nervous as all get out. But I think they will end up naked at least, it's a very surreal experience for me right now, I have in the past been insanely jealous and protective when ever she would go out to a club or bar, but right now I am oddly calm, I think it's because iv agreed to this. We have ground rules and I love her so much. I made the comment recently  that I live to serve her, I love nothing more than to give her pleasure and what better way to give her pleasure than to let her explore her sexuality to the fullest! She's worried about me and I appreciate that, I just hope she can let go enough to enjoy herself.

I never in a million years thought I would be the husband of a hot wife, technically I didn't even know what a hot wife was a couple weeks ago, but this has been fun, it's been exciting and It has brought us closer and allowed us to open a level of communication that had been lost. Now once everything goes down there's always that possibility that I realize iv made a mistake, but if that happens I will not blame ma'am or John I have agreed to try this if it doesn't work them we stop here, although I'm feeling really good and I'm very excited for her to report back later. I beginnig to think this could be the beginning of a very exciting future for us.

The Beginning

Once we agreed on the preliminary rules and limits, it was time to start finding some suitable "dates". Part of the deal we have is that I will approve all men she meets, I love her like no other and her safety and well being are my primary concern. Also the men that want a piece of my sexy wife have to agree to a few conditions. Along with the normal list of hard limits, no anal, no kissing (more on this later), must wear a condom etc etc.they will have to consent to photos and videos being taken of the act, one of my favorite things about making love to my wife is watching her cum! And just because it's not me doesn't mean I won't enjoy seeing her cum. Her pleasure is my pleasure. So where does one go to find a man that's interested in a NSA (no strings attached) fling and will consent to pics and vid? Well... That's not as hard as you'd expect !!! Lol. We set up profiles with Adult Friend Finder and Fetlife and the guys just fell in line, I was going through some of the most surreal chat sessions ever, trying to figure out if the dude was a standup guy, needed to be sure he could respect our situation and respect her, I had to know I was sending her with someone safe, and I also had to be sure he understood our rules. Some guys bailed once they heard about the pics and vid, some guys I rejected because I wasn't comfortable with them, some guys she rejected because she either wasn't comfortable or wasn't attracted. On any given day we had 5 to 7 guys in different stages of the interview process, we kept talking about different scenarios, like an after noon where 3 or 4 guys met her one after another, I had to set up a database in order to keep them straight and where they sat on the approval process, she couldn't keep them straight, she was acting like a right and proper slut flirting with up to 8 guys at a time through different chat services, I was starting to feel like it was getting out of control, but she seemed to be enjoying it, so I kept my mouth shut and just kept judging and approving or rejecting men for her, at the end we had 5 cocks lines up and soaring for a date with my wife and one guy who we both liked but was a smoker, so we offered him the ultimate incentive to quit, I even offered him dinner, drinks and am evening with my wife in a hotel room if he could quit smoking for a certain period of time.

One night she came to me asking to discuss possibly changing the kissing rule, I kind of already assumed this would come up, and I was honestly open to discussing it, but i apparently did not handle the conversation as well as I should have. I just wanted her to try to convince me why it should be changed. I really wasn't looking to start trouble, but trouble I started!!  The main reason I ruled kissing off limits was because I was brought up being roughy that kissing was a very intimate thing, but in the world of hotwifery kissing is viewed very differently and I was willing to bend. Maybe I wanted her to work for it a little maybe I didn't want to just roll over and offer her the change. Maybe I didn't want to make it too easy. This conversation went so far south so quickly I regretted ever resisting at all. Lesson learned choose your battles with your HotWife very carefully.  As iv said before I'm the pet she is the ma'am who the hell did I think I was trying to make her work for anything, i definitely need to learn my roll better, this discussion led to the entire agreement being put on hold, but we also quickly learned we were each escalating this into uncomfortable levels thinking the other was more into it, is filmed how hot the idea of more than one guy was, she took that and tried to impress me, I thought it's what she truly want ed and went along with it and encouraged it so she upped the ante while I called her bluff it was the most fucked up sexual poker game ever!! Luckily we recognized what was going on and was able to step back regroup and reproach this whole thing much more realistically

As I close out this post, the current tally is 5 men on deck, one in a holding pattern until he can quit smoking, I still have guys messaging wanting to know how to get in on the action. And her first date scheduled for midweek with a guy I can only describe as the perfect first. Still trying to figure out what his faults are.  

Becoming her Pet

She was an exhibitionist when we met, lots of men would fantasize about one night with her, myself included, she was my dream girl, she was the Pamela Anderson poster on my wall, she has occupied every fantasy I had, somehow I made that dream girl mine! And I married her. Me, I'm not an exhibitionist, I'm not incredibly out going, and I'm only mildly adventurous. But the rush i feel when she behaves like herself, when she drags me out of my comfort zone, or when she would do something crazy causing me to cringe. And I think this is where things started to change. I believe she mistook my cringe as a negative, and started to tone down. She started to stifle herself, she didn't want me to be uncomfortable, was I uncomfortable? Yes some of the time, but I didn't mind, it was a rush it was excitement, i was living vicariously through her. And as she started to calm as her fire cooled, I didn't really notice it happening. But I slowly started noticing the boredom creeping in, I started wondering why don't I get those hot pics anymore, why doesn't she talk dirty to me anymore, and in turn I started feeling guilty for thinking of her the way I do, (I objectify my wife on a daily basis, ok ok hourly basis). She is, has been, and will always be my ultimate fantasy, and this doesn't mean I love her any less than the perfect couple down the street, this means I get to have my cake and eat it too! In fact I have never loved so completely, but my own insecurities, coupled with her thinking I wanted her to chill turned us into an incredibly boring vanilla couple, our bedroom had always been a bit freaky, we'd try anything once, and we'd repeat it if we liked it. But the vanilla was starting to affect that as well.

She asked me to dominate her, and I tried, boy how I tried. I am not a dom and no matter how hard I tried to be a dom I couldn't pull it off. For one I felt like I was just going through the motions I never really felt like I was I control, I kinda felt like she was allowing me to be In control, like a "isn't this cute he thinks he controls me" kinda way. And I'm not saying that's how she felt. What I'm saying is if I can't convince myself I'm in control than how is she supposed to believe I'm in control. Then one day we flipped it, she started to dominate me! I became her pet. And OMG how I loved it, it became very apparent early on that I have always lived to serve her, I get my most joy out of pleasing her.  I believe we actually started out this way I have always tried to please her, my goal was always to make her happy, I have always been her pet, we just didn't have a label on it.

As we started talking about this new arrangement, ma'am and pet, she commanded that I draw up a contract, as we started talking about limits and guidelines she "jokingly" mentioned finding sex outside the marriage, quick explanation : I'm away a lot, she has a very large sexual appetite always has, but has always been faithful. she has a need that I can't fulfill in my absence, sure she could master-bate but that's not the same. I quickly rejected that idea believing it was a joke anyway, but something in the way she replied, she tried to come off as aloof or indifferent as if it were a joke all along, but i know her well enough to detect the disappointment, of course she never in a million years would have expected me to accept such an offer, but I was intrigued.  So we talked I wanted her to convince me why and how this would work, we agreed that she would seek out a lover to try this with, the deal was that she would share all details with me. Like I said at the beginning she was always an exhibitionist and I was always watching. She extended the same freedom to me, only she didn't want the details. As her pet she would command I go to the store and buy condoms to have on hand, she commanded I go to a bar and while there she would text me asking if I saw anyone I'd be interested in, she knows I wouldn't have picked anyone up without her pushing. Never did pick anyone up and although she was pushing me into an affair i really wasn't feeling it, yes I look at other woman, yes I'm curious what sex with them would be like I think most men think this way, but I feel wildly uncomfortable approaching someone for a one night stand, would it be different if I got a couple under belt, probably but ... I have my dream girl why do I want anyone else? At the same time I noticed her trying to stay on board, I could see although she was pushing me to find a new plaything, she was uncomfortable with sharing me. But why am I ok with sharing her? Because I live to serve her and I am going to soo get off seeing her fantasies brought to life! Since she was having a hard time sharing me and I was having a hard time being shared so to speak, I declined the offer to find sex outside our marriage, it took a lot of convincing, she has a hard time believing that I'm not looking at this as tit for tat, just cause she can fuck random men doesn't mean I need to fuck random woman. Do I want anything in return? Yes I do... I want her to understand and recognize the ultimate freedom I have given her, I want her to appreciate me for allowing her to do this, and I want to be able to objectify her, and fantasize about her without feeling guilty for my deviant freaky and filthy mind.

More to cum
Probably